mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
