why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
