Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize