He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
