I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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