Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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