hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
