I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
