I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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