My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
