cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my vag is so smooth its legendary
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
