there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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