Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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