Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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