i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
