people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
