wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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