I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
