so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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