I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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