i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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