i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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