I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
