I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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