please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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