He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
