A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
