My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize