my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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