I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize