i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
