my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
