M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
