these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
