I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
