ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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