I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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