So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
