3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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