The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
