She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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