So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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