I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize