it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
