This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
