I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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