i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i think i have two assholes
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
