bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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