I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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