I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
