i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
