sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
