last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
