I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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