Someone shattered a urinal.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
