I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
