I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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