i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
