She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize