I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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