I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
pop tarts are not kleenex
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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