I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize