You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
