dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
