You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
