I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
