just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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