she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
