so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
NoShamevember. You game?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
