how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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