I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
