You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize