Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
