oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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