You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
