He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
