i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
