i barfeds in our rink
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
