Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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