some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
