we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
