Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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