when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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