dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
