??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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