Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
