Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
