You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
