Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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