I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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