I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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