so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
