Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
did you just send me my own nude
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
