Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
