this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
