She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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