I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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