It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
