Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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