if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
