you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
