Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
