Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
