oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
