So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
